So I guess its good that I'm on here now. I don't know why I wait so long to post. I should have posted when me and my boyfriend hit 6 months... Yeah, yeah. I fail. I know. Still, I'm just glad that I'm around. <3

The honest truth is that I think there's a case of mass depression going around. I'm not the only one, I know this. It just makes me wonder. I've got less motivation for anything as of late. I don't even wanna eat that how its getting. Somehow I think... you know what? I don't think. I'm also listening to more emo music. Now, when I say emo, I don't mean Hawthorne Heights or whatnot. I mean stuff that makes you feel depressed and such. Then there's the anger music. Yeah. I dunno what it is. This depression sucks. Oh, yeah. Part of me wants to just crawl into my bed and just sleep. Not die... because then I can't dream there.

Though I keep having what seems like a recurring dream. It freaks the shit out of me. Not because its scary but because it really seems to fit me... Now, I'm going to say it and hope someone out there can make sense of it. Now, it often starts in a church. The church changes but the situation doesn't. I don't know how I get to the church, but I'm there. I start to wander around, look in on things and manage to get myself lost. Then, I find myself getting strange looks. Most of the people that look at me at all are disapproving. I don't know if it matters but I'm dressed as I normally do. T-shirt and jeans, skater shoes, dyed hair. Anyhow, everyone just stops looking. They ignore me completely. Then I get even further lost. I end up in the center of some sort of crowd screaming at them to help me. That I'm lost and confused. No one even gives me the time of day. I start to run. Yet, nothing helps. I end up going in a circle. Every time I run, the sky begins to get darker until it just starts to rain. Most of the time, I end up standing in the center crying, head in hands. Its this time that I become completely invisible. Now, in sometimes, people can go through me, sometimes not. I guess it depends on the crappy day I had. Then I usually wake up. However, once or twice I had the follow up dream. In the follow up, I keep crying. Then I start to try and leave but, its like the church keeps growing and I can't even leave. Finally I get to a street and look back, ready to abandon it. Sometimes I'm at a street, sometimes I'm out of a building. Once I go to step onto the street or sidewalk, a hand comes onto my shoulder. Now, at this time I'm thinking that someone's going to kill me or something. After the person touches me though, at least 3 people notice me. Once it was a crowd... Often they go "are you alright, what's wrong, or where are you going?" Such like that. I shake my head and glare at them. They are the same people that ignored me when I cried out so desperately for help. A voice says often that its alright and not to worry anymore. I'm like... what the hell? So I turn around and find that its my boyfriend that found me. Once he found me and I turned around and saw him, he pulled me in and we held each other as he dried my tears. The rain continued to fall but... we just danced in it. Though... one time the sun came out... and a little kid ran up to me and hugged me... called me sister. Go fig.

Now, I know its a strange dream but it keeps coming. At least twice a week. I'm trying to figure it out. My boyfriend thinks it means I need a guide, my mom thinks I'm just lost when it comes to religion. I don't know what it is at all. I guess I'm just freaking out over something that I shouldn't. I tend to do that. Heh heh. Anyhow... I guess I'll go. Who knows how long it'll be till I post anything.